Abandon Text!

W. H. Auden once said: "Poems are not finished; they are abandoned." I have been abandoning writing projects for many years, since only the pressure of deadline and high expectations ever got me to finish, or even start, anything of merit. This blog is an attempt to create a more consistent, self-directed writing habit. Hopefully a direction and voice will emerge.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

The Shadow Returns

I've had a taste of my old life return. Yesterday was Valentine's Day, which is usually a time for paying attention to the ones you love most. Unfortunately, today is the day I have to make a big presentation to a big customer, and I have been hopelessly distracted, absorbed, and otherwise preoccupied with it. It was almost comical, how I would be in my own world, completely missing the "could I have more milk, please" from the kids, wandering around in a daze while the kids run wild around me. It was an unfortunate reminder of how much of my life was lived that way before. Janet and I had explicitly planned on doing nothing much for V-Day, but still, I wasn't in a frame of mind to be there, and that's a failure. Holidays, it seems, are my built-in reminder device for staying focused on the things that matter . . . which is exactly what they are supposed to be, the reason they were invented in the first place.

But . . . I'm on the wagon. I talked with Harry last night about giving me whatever breathing room he could in our schedule. I went to bed at eleven, which is about as early as I could go to bed without exploding from the tension. I woke up at quarter past 4 am, and decided the extra time was a gift from my subconscious. I will go to my meeting less prepared than I wanted to be, but also less full of big promises to cover up my perceived shortcomings.



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