Corporatations defend use of spanking in the workplace

A representative in the California legislative assembly proposed a bill that would outlaw spanking of children under four years of age. The legislation drew fire from lots of religious and privacy organizations, as well as from corporate America, where the practice of spanking unruly or disrespectful employees is commonplace.

"I mean, what if some new hire doesn't get his quarterly report in on time? His whole company might miss its SEC filing. Clearly, you have to hit him to make him understand the importance of the matter. How else are they going to learn?" said Yoyodyne CEO John Boutee.

Boutee believes that a "lax and permissive corporate culture" could lead to "rebellious and impulsive employees." Boutee dismissed so-called "alternative management" practices such as appealing to reason or withholding salary as "wrong-headed and wimpy."

"When I was new clerk, my boss smacked me across the face in front of my peers if I questioned his judgement or was slow to comply with his directives. I'm here to tell you that I'm a better person for it," said Boutee. "Clearly, if a middle manager physically violates and humiliates an employee, it's just another expression of his concern."

Employees who are corporally disciplined reaffirmed that the practice "totally underscores the need to not get caught," said Yoyodyne regional account manager Jeff Metzner. "You quickly learn not to show any disrespect to that sadistic fucker [Boutee] and find more subtle, creative ways to defy him."