Kaiser sues Los Angeles for patient dumping

Videotape catches city police leaving indigent patients in hospital waiting rooms and driving off

Los Angeles - February 11, 2007

A Kaiser Permanente hospital made headlines recently when a video camera at a skid row mission recorded a patient wearing only a hospital robe being left by a taxi. The city's attorney general sued the hospital for 'patient dumping', expressing shock and outrage at this "inhumane and illegal practice."

Meanwhile, Kaiser has filed a suit accusing the city of similar tactics of patient dumping. The suit claims that hospital security cameras show 256 separate instances last year of the L.A. police bringing injured homeless people to the hospital emergency room . . . and then leaving.

"The city believes that it can solve its problems of urban blight and homelessness with a simple strategy: make it someone else's problem," said Ray Czusindignation, media spokesperson for hospital. "Night after night, the city's police bring these people to our hospital emergency rooms, and just leave. No arranging for payment; no attempt to assess their situation and find a permanent solution. They just leave. And they expect that, because we took a Hippocratic oath, we've got to take care of these people, at our expense, and do everything necessary to insure they are safe when they leave."

"I've got news for Los Angeles," he continued. "That's not our job. We didn't sign on for that. If you want us to take care of everyone, get off your butts and establish a system of universal health coverage, so we can actually get paid to take care of these people. Or better yet, spend the money to make sure these hard-luck cases never get to the hospital to begin with."

When asked about the unlikely prospect of the government actually establishing a universal health care plan, Czusindignation replied, "The truth is we already have a universal health care plan. It's called, 'go to the emergency room, get treated for preventable health problems, and not pay your bill.' Then the hospitals pass the costs on to the insurance companies with ludicrously high charges, who in turn pass them on to the consumer with yearly double-digit premium rate hikes. It's a ludicrously inefficient way to take care of people."

"[City Attorney Rocky] Delgadillo can get on his high horse and act all outraged if we discharge someone with no clothes and no place to go. But, hey . . . that's pretty much how they were when they got here. You think we got we some magic fairy dust to solve homelessness? You think this is our problem? Who's really doing the dumping here?"

Corporatations defend use of spanking in the workplace

A representative in the California legislative assembly proposed a bill that would outlaw spanking of children under four years of age. The legislation drew fire from lots of religious and privacy organizations, as well as from corporate America, where the practice of spanking unruly or disrespectful employees is commonplace.

"I mean, what if some new hire doesn't get his quarterly report in on time? His whole company might miss its SEC filing. Clearly, you have to hit him to make him understand the importance of the matter. How else are they going to learn?" said Yoyodyne CEO John Boutee.

Boutee believes that a "lax and permissive corporate culture" could lead to "rebellious and impulsive employees." Boutee dismissed so-called "alternative management" practices such as appealing to reason or withholding salary as "wrong-headed and wimpy."

"When I was new clerk, my boss smacked me across the face in front of my peers if I questioned his judgement or was slow to comply with his directives. I'm here to tell you that I'm a better person for it," said Boutee. "Clearly, if a middle manager physically violates and humiliates an employee, it's just another expression of his concern."

Employees who are corporally disciplined reaffirmed that the practice "totally underscores the need to not get caught," said Yoyodyne regional account manager Jeff Metzner. "You quickly learn not to show any disrespect to that sadistic fucker [Boutee] and find more subtle, creative ways to defy him."

Shoe Salesmen of Nation's Capitol respond

At a Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearing on a non-binding resolution that opposes Bush's plan for a military build-up in Bahgdad, Sen. Chuck Hagel, R-Neb., said: ""I think all 100 senators should be on the line on this. ... If you want a safe job, go sell shoes."

Shoe salesmen from around the nation responded angrily to the Senator Hagel's comments in flood of letters, phone calls, and talk-radio commentaries. "Man, when was a $6-an-hour base plus commission considered a "safe" job?" said Ken Johnson, assistant sales manager at a PayLess Shoe Store in Alexandria, VA. "If I don't move enough of these Hush Puppies today, I could be out on my ass tomorrow."

"Ain' no senata wouldn't last one day in 'dis job," said Shaniqua Washington, a sales rep at the same store. "People can be real demandin', like, 'You don' have size 14 in camel suede finish? What is wrong wid you people?' And I'm like, 'Honey, what's on them shelves, dat's what we got.' It hard."

"Camel suede, my ass," she added.

Carlton Jones, a store manager for a Foot Locker store in downtown D.C, agrees: "You see that 'No Concealed Firearms on premises' sign on the door? That ain't just there for decoration, you know what I'm sayin'? You see them bars on the back windows? When a new shipment of [Air]Jordans come in . . . shit, I'd rather be in Baghdad."

"Well, maybe not Baghdad . . . maybe the north side of Anwar province or somethin'."

Shoe industry workers at all levels responded with equal ire. Colleen Hutchinson, vice-president of marketing for Adidas, told reporters: "It's a cut-throat market out there for high-end products. We're under constant pressure to innovate. Marketing budgets are astronomical, with a lot of high-risk placements . . . sometimes even Super Bowl ads. If Senator Hagel had said, 'Go sell laundry detergent,' now that I could understand. Life was easy when I worked at P&G. But shoes? The Senator is clearly out of touch with harsh realities of the private sector."