Abandon Text!

W. H. Auden once said: "Poems are not finished; they are abandoned." I have been abandoning writing projects for many years, since only the pressure of deadline and high expectations ever got me to finish, or even start, anything of merit. This blog is an attempt to create a more consistent, self-directed writing habit. Hopefully a direction and voice will emerge.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

I am shocked, shocked to find . . . doughnuts

A friend of mine at NYU was gearing up for the "All-U Games", and annual event in which the different schools at the university compete with each other in various games like ping-pong, tug-of-war, etc. There was one event, though, that was pulled at the last minute:

Subject: Final Decision on Doughnut Eating
Hi Everyone,
The final decision is that doughnut eating will not be allowed at the All-U Games. I am very upset by this decision, but we have no other choice. Legal council has advised against this activity, and in the event that an incident does occur, they've transfered their liability onto the SSC by forewarning us. Regardless, I know that the All-U Games will be a tremendous success with all the other activities, so we shouldn't let this put a damper on our night. Please feel free to email me with your thoughts or comments. See you all tomorrow!

So, here's the magic question:
What exactly is so legally inadvisable as a doughnut-eating contest?

It can't possibly be a safety issue. When was the last time you heard of someone dying in a binge-eating incident . . . in public, no less? I mean, more people probably die of binge drinking at NYU, and I haven't heard any calls for a dry campus.

Here's my unscientific but nonetheless compelling evidence: google "doughnut eating contest death" and see what you find. Uh-huh. I thought so.

Still, I put 20% odds that it's a (perceived) safety issue.

Could it be (gasp) the sensitivity police? I am saddened to say . . . yes. Somebody will accuse the university of being insensitive to the plight of bulemics, and threaten it with a lawsuit that will be impossible to defend against, because it is absolutely impossible to prove you didn't hurt someone's feelings. Someone will smell an out-of-court settlement in the mid-five-figures, and crank up the outrage.

Mostly, I am embarrassed, because I have been publically blogging the opinion that there is not more fear in our society than before, and these dumb-asses have to go contradicting me.


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