Abandon Text!

W. H. Auden once said: "Poems are not finished; they are abandoned." I have been abandoning writing projects for many years, since only the pressure of deadline and high expectations ever got me to finish, or even start, anything of merit. This blog is an attempt to create a more consistent, self-directed writing habit. Hopefully a direction and voice will emerge.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Every parent's worst nightmare

Literally . . . I went to bed with Aidan, since I was so wiped out from the night before. I dreamt that I was walking with Aidan through some kind of national park, near a large, swift river. I pointed out one point in the river; I think I was telling Aidan that it wasn't real, that they had modified it there or something. And then Aidan wanders close to the edge, and then he walks right out onto a rock ledge that is inexplicably not fenced of like the rest . . . and he just jumps right into the water. He disappears in the water. I scream and run up the edge and look down . . . and I don't see him. I look down-river and don't see him. I think about calling 911 and realize it would be too late if I don't pull him out now. And I can't see him. I think about diving in after him and realize that might be foolish, that I too could get swept away or swept under and not find him. I jump across the other side, holding onto the rocks, with each new handhold looking for Aidan. I see ever-so-vaguely his blue coat, but I can't be sure. Finally, holding onto the rock I push my face into the water, and unexpectedly Aidan is right there. I can't see him put I feel him, almost as if someone is handing him right to me. As I pull him from the water, wondering if I'm too late, I wake up.

I haven't had dreams like that since Aidan was a little baby. But this was by far the most realistic. Looking back on it, I think I did everything correctly, but it just chills me to the bone that your child can be there one minute and be gone the next.


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