Abandon Text!

W. H. Auden once said: "Poems are not finished; they are abandoned." I have been abandoning writing projects for many years, since only the pressure of deadline and high expectations ever got me to finish, or even start, anything of merit. This blog is an attempt to create a more consistent, self-directed writing habit. Hopefully a direction and voice will emerge.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Parental Anger

I am continually amazed at how angry I can get at my kids. I have never been so angry at any other human being in my life, nor have I ever lost my composure on such a regular basis. While I have been guilty of occasionally lapsing into a tone that can only be described as "shrill," I've never been explosively angry in my life. And yet, on a near-daily basis, I now find myself blowing up.

So, what is the button that's getting pushed? It used to be repeated acts of defiance . . . you know, when you tell him not to make another peep, and he says "peep" . . . that sort of thing. But I've almost got that under wraps now. I can laugh at that sort of thing, or maybe just sigh and put a hand on him and push him gently off to his room. But what really gets my goat now is the bullying. There is something absolutely infuriating about seeing a stronger person preying on the weaker; I know this is a universal sentiment, because practically every popular movie made in the last twenty years introduces you to a villian by showing him (or her) humiliating one of their victims. Within two minutes you are just dying to jump on the screen and knock his lights out . . . so you feel really good when the hero knocks their lights out two hours later. And Aidan seems to have mastered all kinds of bullying skills . . . he can reduce his brother to screaming just by leering at him a certain way, just by quietly threatening to take something away. It makes my stomach churn even now to think of it.

I don't think Aidan is particular unusual when it comes to such stuff. He actually has a very strong relationship with his little brother, and I find it just as exhilerating to see them laughing and having a good time together. But the versatility of his ability to torture his sibling is mind-boggling.

I know, know that the AP thing to do is to give Aidan enough of what he needs so that he can find it in himself to give Malcolm what he needs. And it would be so easy to take Mal's side so often that Aidan starts to feel left out of the love . . . but it's sooooo hard.


Post a Comment

<< Home